Saturday, May 4, 2024 – New York City

Date with a 22yo Florida girl

This might have been my biggest gap ever between who I thought this girl was when I approached her and what she was actually like on the date.

I approached her in Soho and remember her being a tall (5’8″+) white SMD (mid-20s?) who went to college in Florida and sort of had a classical European flair, despite being American. She described looking for a dress for some formal ball she was invited to.

Then, two weeks passed and finally we had a date.

What actually showed up was a 5’5″ half-white, half-black YND from a working class family in Florida who smoked weed daily.

Obviously, I’m fine with either, but it was interesting to note my perception vs. reality. Also, no wonder she liked me and showed up, because the former wouldn’t have been my usual archetype.

She showed up very made up, wearing a slutty short dress with slits near the hips and stiletto heels, with a shawl covering her face. She was 15 minutes late as I guess she was struggling to walk with her sexy-ass heels from the subway station, causing us to miss our fancy cocktails reservation I had made for us, thinking she was an SMD.

Turns out the divey bar that is my usable spot worked out just fine for her archetype so we headed there. She tried to order an espresso martini (she didn’t really read the room) but they didn’t have it so that’s fine. I got her a drink and me my usual seltzer water described as a drink.

Started making her qualify. I essentially was just asking her questions with narrow eyes and going “hmm” and judging her, she talked about her family, her dad and mom never even kissed when young and got divorced when she was 17, she started smoking weed daily at that age and also dropped acid for 3 weeks straight that summer.

Relationship talk: she’s never been in one. She only does one night stands because she wants to avoid “falling for guys” and sees herself as someone who catches feelings easily. She also said she was selective and didn’t she why she should have a boyfriend unless it was forever (which I totally agree with). I didn’t pry into this because I thought “wow this is a perfect frame for me, I’m not even going to touch it.” Girl who dresses slutty to a date and only does one-night stands? I’m in!

It would come back to bite me.

Eventually I pulled and she asked if we could buy a prerolled joint on the way. I said yes and we can smoke on my rooftop. I had to support her walking back because she could barely walk in her heels. We get back to the roof and she was adamant about smoking. I asked if she could only smoke 1/4 because I was worried about her getting too high, but she ended up smoking the whole thing and being fine.

On the roof she mentioned being lonely, never really going out in NYC and not having any friends here. I should have taken this as more of a flag.

Got her downstairs and to the couch with her legs over mine and had her on my lap at one point but I could tell she was just neutral about it. Returned to the previous position. She had asked if we had any board games, definitely a cuck tell but I remembered what John Adams told me about taking a girl’s mind off of sex so we played some Headbands game on our phones. A lot of stuff at this point was surface level, just me trying to distract her so I could escalate. We also sang some duets to each other because she likes to sing.

Then finally she’s like:
— Can you walk me to the train?
Why, you want to leave already?
– I’m a girl and it’s late, the train stops running.
It’s the subway, it never stops running.
— No, I take the metro to get home from Grand Central and it stops running at 12.
Well, you could sleep over… then you don’t have to rush home so suddenly.
— I don’t want to give the wrong impression.
What do you mean?
— Generally people who sleep over, that’s not done with the best intentions.
What do you mean best intentions? You just said in the bar you just do one night stands, you’ve never had a boyfriend… what do you think this is?
— What is it to you?
Well I had no expectations, but you have to understand, from my perspective, if we’re having a conversation in the bar and you just say “I just do one night stands”, even if I want something more, I’m also OK with keeping it casual, I mean… but then you come at me with the fact you just want to leave? Everything we built, the connection that we have is… fake. Didn’t you say this is the first date you’ve been on in NYC?
— No, I’ve been on a lot of dates here. But I haven’t had sex with any of the guys. In fact, I haven’t had sex in two years. I’ve just been trying to become a different sort of girl when I moved here.
(At this point she was trembling)
Did something happen, was there some trauma?
— I just… I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m very very far away from being able to do that (have sex with me)
I don’t want to put pressure on you, but if you come over to my place and say you just do one night stands, then just want to leave, what am I gonna think, we’re just friends and you come and sunshine and rainbows and then you just walk away and let’s just be friends?
— Well I didn’t know what you thought of me.
What did you think I thought of you?
— I thought it was like a first date and you were just feeling me out, I wasn’t really sure.
I mean I guess to an extent, but again you only sleep with guys on first dates, and you’re just leaving, so at the end of the day this is just a platonic hangout?
— (She continues, trembling) I think you’re totally right to be upset with me. I think I should go.
Listen, you’re welcome to go, again I don’t want to put pressure on you in any way, but…

She got up and I helped her gather her things and left.

This was a No girl, and I was battling against a false frame. Very tough situation.

A classic case of a lonely girl who goes out on a date because she has no friends. I’ve had a couple of these. This is the downside of daygame, you’re going to encounter these girls every once in a while. It is very difficult to ferret them out because they will play the validation game of pretending to want to have sex with you so you don’t end the date early.

What I thought the frame was:

• she has never had a boyfriend
• she just does one night stands
• she’s wearing a slutty dress and heels

What the frame actually was:

• she’s lonely
• no guys talk to her here
• she wants someone to talk to and validation
• she wants to become a “different girl” in NYC and not do hookups anymore
• some undescribed trauma

I think my drama at the end was pretty good and forced her to make a decision. But one thing I could have done was challenge her one night stand frame in the beginning and make sure that was actually what she wanted, or see if there was more behind that. There was clearly more trauma there which I wasn’t going to get with just running drama game at the end.