Date with 30yo Mexican FOB med student/babysitter
I approached this girl yesterday in Soho and the set was steeped with tension. Her attributes occupy an unfortunate weighted value on the vibe-cuck continuum, but she was so appealing I had to try anyway.
She has been living in Connecticut for five years, studying English, being a babysitter, and preparing to finish med school.
I knew it would probably be cuck, so I wasn’t disappointed when, after some probing 30 minutes into our afternoon coffee date, she revealed that she was long-term only. She was wearing the most fresa outfit as well with riding boots, a white button up, and a shawl. Straight out of Martha Stewart magazine. Connecticut, amirite?
She was a great girl and I hugged her goodbye and wished her well after 45 minutes.
Attempted Dante coaching
Dante wanted to give me another hour so we met up in Soho and started walking around. We didn’t find much other than four sets I had already approached. Lesson learned: don’t approach in an area before meeting Dante.
Since there weren’t many sets, I was on edge, walking quickly and trying too hard to make the coaching work in order not to waste Dante’s time. The couple sets I did, my verbals weren’t grounded; I was saying lines just to say them. Dante noticed this and commented on my spaz monkey energy, encouraging me to calm down. But it was a good lesson: Dante is my friend and wants to help me. There’s no reason to be overly motivated to make the session work, because when that happens I don’t act like my natural self and then the sets were bad. I need to sink into the moment and enjoy the time we spend together as wings, hoping that good game sprouts out of it.
As we left Soho, I ended up having two date options for the evening. I was juggling both girls via text and ended up cancelling on one of them, a crazy Venezuelan, with a work excuse (per Dante, always give a work or family excuse, she can’t morally object to that), in favor of the 18yo college student on her last night in town.
Dante saw my furious texting and declared we should pull the plug on coaching and reschedule for next weekend so I could prepare for my date.
Date with 18yo Brooklyn Russian college student
This girl goes to college a few hours away and hates it so she comes back to the city on weekends and chills at a relative’s apartment. She is more of the arthoe archetype so I was a bit surprised she was into it, but made more sense once I figured out she has Russian/Ukrainian-Israeli parents. It was really the piercing blue eyes that got me. She also guessed I was 22, foreshadowing her inexperience.
Early on I noted she was intelligent and driven despite her YND status. Double major pre-med, published research starting in high school, Type A. Personality-wise, she was uncomfortable with silence, constantly talking to fill space, punctuating her sentences with “mm-hmm. yeah.”
I kept the vibe light initially as we walked towards the park and purchased a White Claw to share. Once we sat down, I asked about deeper topics. She has strict parents and an overbearing mother (this is extremely common with Israeli-Americans, in my experience). She also subjected herself to ballet at an early age where she broke all her toes and ankles. A lot of this girl’s life was just bounding into activity after activity in search of success.
I probed past relationships, she revealed she had one serious boyfriend in high school and hadn’t done anything in college, preferring to focus on her studies. I attempted to reframe this and was only mildly successful; I could tell that she wasn’t that comfortable talking about this.
Eventually she was cold and suggested taking a walk. I hadn’t even seeded the rooftop yet so I made sure to pre-seed it right away. She asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat to get out of the cold but I invited her to the rooftop instead but disqualified her saying she couldn’t bring any of that Russian spy energy. She was reticent but agreed, and then soon after said she had to get home soon anyway.
We got inside, we sat down on the couch and she was sitting on the edge. After a while I called out her unease and she admitted it takes her a while to get open with someone. I empathized and said I was just trying to get to know her and how would she feel about coming closer on the couch and success — she was now nuzzled up next to me. “Progress!” she joked.
I knew I was in for a long night. Thus began a further hour of getting to know each other. Another thing I noticed is that she didn’t respond that well to chick crack or going deeper. She was mostly about vibe and surface level and always returned to those topics. She is very science-brained (pre-med) and logical.
I ran a full box comfort routine: brought her up to my roof to see the view, then down to the living room to try to dance (she doesn’t dance), then throwing [redacted sports implement] in the living room for a while, then demoing our martial arts moves. I tried some more kino tests but got a few yellow lights. Finally sat her back down on the couch and after a while had her legs over mine but her head remained further away on a pillow. I was stroking her legs. Also found out she had anorexia for years due to ballet.
I decided to try a move where I brought her up on my lap and she said she wasn’t comfortable with this and mentioned “boundaries”. I asked her what her boundaries were and she just brought up that she takes a while to get to know people and needs space to open up to people. I challenged the frame and overcame that objection and got to a “trauma” objection. I called cap on that and she admitted she was avoiding her trauma and not working through it. I reframed it and said that if she opened up to people she could work through it. Finally she accepted the frame and we got to the real issue which is that she was a virgin. I tried to work through this and asked her if she was thinking about losing it but she basically wasn’t soon, and also thought that her going out with me was a platonic date as friends which I slapped away easily.
Eventually gave her comfort ultimatum speaking from the heart and she said she’s just not comfortable yet but she had better go and I was “such a good guy, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you”.
I was fighting a losing battle on this one but I wasn’t mad. A mentality that has been helpful: when you think an interaction’s going to be cuck going in, you can’t be disappointed when it is. Both of these dates I had low hopes for, but I had to make them happen and I’m not regretting it.
Notes from John Adams on getting the “trauma” objection during LMR:
- You have to figure out if it’s real trauma (sexual assault or rape) or just something that she regrets doing and just calls it trauma.
- You can either take the challenge route: “Is this something you just regret doing and you’re calling it trauma, because you can’t call every mistake in your life trauma” which is high risk/high reward.
- Or you can take the comfort route and treat it like it’s real trauma. In this case you’re aiming to not close, but instead get a second date where you would close. And on the second date you have to know that she’s likely going to be obsessed with you and want a relationship.
- At some point you should still be making out with the girl and getting her to take her guard down and trying to get the next date. Still hugging her really tight, feeling her up while making out. This should ideally be a 3-4 hour interaction to build enough familiarity.
Pancake Mouse Field Reports 